My Epiphany

Most of my readers (maybe 2 out of the 3) know that this has been a pretty rough past 6 months for me and my family. In September, I found out my mom had terminal colon cancer. She died in November. As all that was going on, my board decided to close down my school, leaving me with the task of shutting down the operations, helping staff and families find alternatives, and, oh yeah, finding a new job for myself.

Needless to say, this has been a great test of my faith. There have been times when it feels as if the ground underneath me is giving way. Too many times have I allowed myself to wallow in self-pity, questioning God and His ability to provide for me. Yesterday, I believe God spoke to me, in the form of my own son.

It was a seemingly insignificant moment. My son came to me in need. He and his sister had been playing around when they should have been in bed and she accidentally popped him in the mouth with a toy, resulting in a bloody lip for my son. He came to me for help. We got a paper towel and wiped away the blood, revealing just a small cut, nothing major. He still needed comforting, though. He continually came to me, telling me about the stinging and how that was keeping him from sleeping. I assured him that it was just a small cut. We went to the mirror and looked at it. I told him that it was the small cuts that sometimes stung the most. If he would just close his eyes and allow himself to sleep, he'd be fine in the morning.

What spoke to me were his eyes. All the while he was seeking out his father's help, his eyes were fixed on me. He listened to everything I said. He gave himself completely over to my care. Even when it still hurt after the blood was gone, he trusted in my diagnosis of the situation and went to sleep. My child had a problem, a hurt, and came to his father for help. He trusted his father's every word and followed his instruction. And his father was there for him. He provided for his son, rewarding his trust.

I need to focus on my Father the way my son focuses on me. Jesus was clear about this in Luke 11:13:

"If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?"

My Father WILL provide for me in this moment of need. Through my blindness and inexperience, I can't see the perfection of his care; nonetheless, His care and providence is there and will be perfect. In the end, it's just a small cut. Even so, it stings quite a bit. My Father is busy, however, caring for my pain.

Father, help me to keep my eyes focused on you.