MLB to introduce new team

Commissioner Bud Selig today announced that Major League Baseball would introduce a 31st team beginning with the 2010 season, much to the consternation of existing owners and the players union. According to Selig, the new team would be known as "Team USA" and would travel the country playing games in markets that currently don't have Major League teams.

"There's a real inequity out there currently," said Selig. "There are countless markets all across America that don't have access to Major League Baseball. Yes, there are minor league teams, but that's not fair. Everyone has a basic right to enjoy the American pastime."

What's got the players and owners in an uproar is the new funding scheme that will be put in place for Team USA. In a little noticed part of the stimulus package, Congress passed and President Obama signed into law a stipulation that the American Government will actually own this team. Bud Selig will be named "Czar of Baseball" and assume the day-to-day operations of the club. The Major League Umpires association will also be part of the advisory board that governs the team.

"We're very excited about this prospect," commented Obama. "This will truly be 'America's Team.' We're going to show the world how the government can successfully compete and bring the joy of baseball to countless Americans who previously could not access this American birthright."

New York Mets owner, Fred Wilpon, isn't as excited. "This is an outrage. The addition of this team will destroy the competitive balance of Major League Baseball."

President Obama was quick to rejoin the calls of unfairness. "This is all about fairness. We'll be subject to the same rules as everybody else. The bases will still be 90 feet apart and it's still three strikes and you're out."

Wilpon wasn't so sure. "You've got the people who make and enforce the rules playing the game. How long do you think it will be before that conflict of interest comes into play. And what's more, they're the government. They don't have to make any money at this. They can charge whatever they want and pay players whatever they want."

This point seems to be a common concern among owners and players. Under the new agreement, Team USA will play three and four game "home-stands" at a variety of publicly funded venues across the US where there are not currently MLB teams. Tickets will be distributed at no cost to the fans who request them.

"Part of the problem with baseball today," claims Obama, "is the the cost involved in attending a game. Not only are folks geographically isolated from the game, but it costs and arm and a leg to attend. We've got a whole generation of baseball fans who are losing access to the game. And for our older fans on fixed incomes, this can be tough to overcome as well."

Obama said the team plans to earn revenue by taxing the other 30 major league teams and their fan bases.

"They've enjoyed the privilege of baseball far too long without any sacrifice on their part while others have suffered without it. That's got to change."

Wilpon, speaking for the owners and players, is fearful for the survival of the game itself. "We can't compete against the government. They're charging us for their own existence, tailoring the rules to fit their needs, and expecting us to remain competitive with them. Within a few years, Team USA will make the Yankees winning streaks look like nothing. They'll own the game when the rest of us can't keep up."

"These scare tactics and fearmongers are just owners trying to protect their own pocketbooks," Obama said. "Millions of Americans have never seen a live Major League game while they're making record profits. We're going to change that and they're scared."